8 Thanksgiving Crimes Stranger Than a Turducken

Thanksgiving is usually about family, friends, football, and a whole lot of food. But some people seem to miss the memo. When the holiday madness kicks in, even the best-laid turkey dinners can turn into downright bizarre crimes. From botched robberies to heroic uses of frozen poultry, here are eight strange Thanksgiving capers to remind you why it’s a good thing your holiday chaos stays within the family.

1. The Beer Bandit With a Faulty Getaway Plan

It’s Thanksgiving Day in 2013, and Johnny Anton Love decides he needs some extra cash (and maybe a drink or two). He strolls into a Miami Gardens gas station, attempting a smooth robbery while the clerk, David Paul-Lamour, keeps his cool. David even offers Love a beer, slyly hitting the alarm button under the counter. Love, caught up in his new stash of beer, loads up so many cans that the bag bursts as he walks out. He’s left scrambling to pick up cans from the ground, giving the cops plenty of time to nab him. It’s safe to say his Thanksgiving spirits got crushed.

2. Turkey Thief Snatches Dinner in Bridgeport

Picture it: Jimmy Mulligan strolls down the street in Bridgeport, Connecticut, carrying a turkey, stuffing, and all the fixings. Suddenly, a man steps out, points a gun at Mulligan, and demands not only his wallet but his Thanksgiving feast. Mulligan manages to call 911, where the dispatcher initially thinks it’s a prank. When the cops arrive, though, they find out the tale is true. Thankfully, the dispatcher and her coworkers rally to buy Jimmy not one, but two turkey dinners from Boston Market. Talk about gratitude!

3. The Cannibal Cop’s Sinister Thanksgiving Plans

When NYPD officer Gilberto Valle’s wife discovered his chats about cooking and eating women, she was horrified. Dubbed the “Cannibal Cop,” Valle had elaborate online fantasies involving women he allegedly stalked. He even claimed he’d planned to cook up some “girl meat” for Thanksgiving. Although Valle spent 21 months in jail, a judge later ruled his fantasies weren’t criminal. Upon release, he moved in with his mother, who, thankfully, prepared traditional Thanksgiving fare for her son.

4. Family Feud: The Turkey Fork Attack

Thanksgiving dinner often brings a little family tension, but for Shenika Allsup and her half-brother, it went to a whole new level. As arguments flared at the Baltimore table, Shenika reached for a two-pronged serving fork and jabbed it right into her brother’s neck. He survived with only minor injuries, but it left the holiday feeling less like a meal and more like a crime scene. Shenika faced assault charges – and likely a future of tense Thanksgiving dinners.

5. The Great Turkey Smackdown of North Carolina

Irene Moorman Bailey had just picked up her Thanksgiving groceries at a North Carolina gas station when a would-be carjacker lunged at her. Lucky for her, a quick-thinking bystander grabbed her frozen turkey and cracked it over the attacker’s head. The man, Fred Ervin, managed to take off with Bailey’s car but didn’t get far – police found him nursing a serious head wound. It turns out there’s more than one way to stop a thief in his tracks!

6. The High-Flying Thanksgiving Mystery of D.B. Cooper

On Thanksgiving Eve 1971, a sharply dressed man known as D.B. Cooper stepped onto a plane, ordered a drink, and passed a note to the flight attendant. She didn’t expect what came next: he claimed he had a bomb and demanded $200,000. Once the plane landed in Seattle, he collected his ransom and ordered the plane back into the sky. Somewhere over the Pacific Northwest, he strapped on a parachute and leaped into the darkness with his loot. Authorities searched high and low, but Cooper vanished, leaving only a few bills behind. To this day, D.B. Cooper’s Thanksgiving heist remains one of the most legendary unsolved mysteries.

7. Revving Up a Rich Ride on Thanksgiving

Most drivers get a ticket when they’re pulled over, but not one guy in a Mercedes G55 AMG. When a police officer stopped him for speeding, he quickly recognized the six-figure price tag of the luxury SUV. Instead of finishing the ticket, he asked the driver to rev the engine, admiring the car’s purr. Then, in a moment of “cool cop” or “cop-out” (you decide), he let the driver off with just a warning. Not everyone’s Thanksgiving includes a celebrity-level cop encounter!

8. The Thanksgiving Feast Heist (Beer, Sugar, and Parsley)

You can’t make this one up. On Thanksgiving Eve 2012, a man waltzed into a Seattle grocery store and crammed a beer, a bag of sugar, and a bunch of parsley under his sweater. He made it to the exit, but when a security guard tried to stop him, he took a swing. The ensuing scuffle left him tackled, cuffed, and looking a little worse for wear. Police charged him with robbery – and probably still wonder what he planned to cook with that odd assortment of groceries.

A Side of Shenanigans With Your Stuffing

Thanksgiving brings out the best in some and the strangest in others. These holiday mishaps remind us that while turkey day can get a little crazy, at least we’re safe from criminals trying to walk off with beer and parsley under their sweaters! So next time you gather around the table, count your blessings – and maybe keep an eye on your frozen turkey.

References: 9 Strange Thanksgiving Crimes | Carjacking suspect hit with frozen turkey